Lone Star Book Blog Tour: Yeah, But I Didn’t by Ann Swann (Review)

“…but sometimes grief gets its claws in you and just won’t let go.”

Being a teenager is difficult enough without the added stress of bullying/cyber-bullying, sexual abuse, and sibling rivalry in a single-parent household. For fourteen-year-old Benji in Yeah, But I Didn’t, life is about to become off-the-charts difficult.

Yeah, But I Didn’t by Ann Swann starts off with a young girl struggling to handle the loss of a boyfriend to her best friend and then the sudden sexual attack from a classmate she barely knows. A small bruise on Benji’s forehead is more than simply a concussive bump from an assault that could have been so much worse. As the bruise fades, her memory of how it got there lingers, representing the constant reminder that the control we think we have over our lives is a fleeting and fickle beast.

“You can’t control everything around you—or even how others treat you—but you can control how you react. And that’s how you take back your power.”

With feelings of guilt from the attack and still stinging from the betrayal of love and friendship, Benji turns to her art. In an almost mystical moment of artistic abandon, Benji produces a watercolor during art class that depicts the pulsating emotions of her young heart at its most vulnerable—squeezed between the hands of her ex-boyfriend and ex-best friend. That painting, in all its honest, painful beauty, represents a central theme throughout the story. The heart is so fragile and vulnerable to onslaughts and pain yet oh so resilient and capable of enormous love and forgiveness. As if the teen angst of broken relationships isn’t enough, other events occur that knock Benji to her knees and toward an impulsive decision that changes everything.

While it may seem the author has loaded way too many burden’s onto Benji’s young shoulders all at once, that is often an unfortunate reality. Life piles it on thick sometimes.

The main characters are well developed and interesting, and the reader watches everything unfold through Benji’s eyes, but her older sister, Janie, deserves some special attention. She is rude, resentful, and downright cruel to her little sister, crushing her under accusations and hate. But by the end of the story, we finally know and understand Janie a bit better and realize that she is just as lost and broken as Benji.

The story is fast paced and engaging, with only a few odd quirks to ponder. Benji’s character development often comes across as a little too immature for a fourteen-year-old (I kept thinking she was about ten or maybe twelve), especially when she passively accepts her mom deleting her social media accounts and commandeering her phone, all without too much fuss. Perhaps Benji is too overburdened by the cyber-bullying and fallout and rumors from her shocking artwork and other heartbreaking events to put up a fight, but I’m guessing most teens might pitch an epic fit if anyone tries to pry the phone from their hands, no matter what is going on in their lives (and many adults, too). Even so, the overall plot of Yeah, But I Didn’t is imaginative and full of plenty of emotional highs and lows; laughter and tears.

Ann Swann delivers a raw and difficult glimpse into a reality that can be uncomfortable for readers of any age, but bullying, sexual abuse, and suicide and attempted suicide exist in real life, unfortunately. Through this touching work of fiction, all of those truths are laid bare but not without the much needed elements of hope, redemption, healing, and love. Benji finds her healing through her therapist, her mom’s and uncle’s steady presence and guidance, two police officers’ encouragement and friendship, and a boy named Sam.

Enter the giveaway below on or before February 13, 2020, for a chance to win some fabulous prizes!

I received a free copy of this book from Lone Star Book Blog Tours in exchange for my honest review.